Snow Much Fun!

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I hate myself.  I literally googled this “Fun snow day activities.”  I did that. I normally never would, because, let’s face it, I am not a good parent, I am the most unfun person in the world, but heading into our third storm in 10 days, desperate times folks. Did I say I hate myself? I mean, I hate other people. These were the top hits.

1.       “Create a furniture train, make tickets, take off to anywhere you want to go… Chooo Choooo.” I am sorry, the fuck? How much fucking furniture do you people have? I can’t even make a god damn caboose.  I mean, not that I had any intention of doing that, but I like to use the excuse “Darn, seems so fun, but I just don’t have enough furniture.” Also, can you imagine if I was like “Hey ah, Bigs, here is your train ticket, to ahh, the, ahh, living room.” He’d leave.  He would literally be like “Yea so peace, I have tried to deal with your crazy, I out.”

2.       Bring the snow inside. No. Ok, no. I don’t even like when people come in my house with wet shoes, let alone with a shovel of snow.  And what exactly am I doing with it once it doesn’t comes inside? I’m sure as shit not making an instantly meltable Frosty.  The deeper suggestion – MAKE A SNOW CASTLE??? WHO. ARE. THESE. MONSTERS. MOTHERS. Because I never want to meet them.  They are the moms that don’t drink at soccer games because it is “illegal.” Dummies, it isn’t illegal, it is just frowned upon, we all know that. Can you imagine me back at work, when someone asks what I did on the snow day and I am like “Made a snow castle. Inside. Inside my living room.” They would be like “You know, Nara, you have had a great run, but ya crazy, see ya.”

3.       This one was great.  “Invite the neighborhood kids over and start a band!” I love that the asshole who wrote that one ended with an exclimination point!!!  I also do that when I am trying to act fun!!!  Listen, Bigs lost his saxophone. I’m still paying for it, and absolutely refuse to help find it.  It could be “missing” in the trunk of my car, not looking. You think I am having the neighborhood kids over to start a band. No. Firm no.  Also, I love that whoever wrote this one assumes that ALL of the neighborhood kids are talented musicians?  And that they are like “What song do y’all want to play, hot cross buns, or baby got back? And a 1 and a 2 and a 1, 2, 3, SING!” She clearly has never been to a third grade recorder concert! (see what I did there!)

4.       Computer time.  It says “There are plenty of educational sites, no need to worry!”  Listen, you want your ipad and you will leave me alone, cool.”  That is literally the amount of screen time they get. “Cool.” That amount.

5.       Sock toss.  “My kids loved this when they were younger, they would toss socks gently into a basket or bag.” Oh no doubt. Because Bigs is playing full court mini hoop inside the living room (sorry, train furniture room).  I am sure that an invigorating game of sock toss will keep him entertained.

6.       Skype grandma and grandpa! Is skype still a thing? I thought it was now like a….. whatsitcalled, like a sex video site. Like for sexy time. Is grandma on there? Am I the only one who thinks that is what Skype is???

7.       Make a masking tape city.  OK, two things here.  First, I know I am not creative.  Totally on board. Second, whoever wrote this clearly HATES their house. It goes on to say “Tape outlines of cities on the floor.” Who you think I am? An architect? I’m not designing a tape city. Settle down Creative Carol.

8.       Now I am just cracking up, but it might also be the eleven two mimosas, not sure. “Moon sand! Baby oil + flour, hours of fun!”  It then has a hyperlink and says “you can see pictures here” but I am 99% sure that leads to a porn site and this is a wholesome family snow day. Not a skype day with grandma. Get your head out of the gutter. Gutter? Toilet? Whatisit? Get ya head outtathere.

9.       Treasure Hunt. “Hide something in the house and give the kids clues to find it.” Ok, every DAY with my cherubs is a god damn treasure hunt. I have zero need to hide anything. Ever.

At any rate, we are now three storms in 10 days with another one anticipated. The little one is constipated, so he wanted to take a tub. Apparently I made it to hot and he just yelled “MOM. THIS MAKES ME NEED SUNTAN LOTION FOR MY NUTS!”  Snow day fun right there.

 

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Apparently when I am super busy, I am still a hot ass mess….

My girlfriends have been all up in my chach, my greatest supporters of le blog (it could actually be because they are often times featured in it, and want to stay on my good side, but I think it is because they think I am pretty and funny and love me more than they love wine). I was thinking about writing all week, but once a year, we have our really important people from the world come visit us, and I have to work super hard, (I mean, not like I only work once a year, but I suppose, I work kind of harder that one time a year. Ish. Yearish).

However, because we hole up in a room for 15 hours a day then eat and drink for another 5  work essentially around the clock during this week, I have not had too many funny things happen. I mean, there was my dress being too tight yesterday and having to get unzipped, but that is just embarrassing and I would not want to write about it.  There is also the time that I said to my big BIG boss, in front of these global smarties, we are “black” when I meant “back” and he was like “Whoa, we are not black.” And i was like “Yea we are.” There was also that one  drunk conversation with these international experts, legit, experts, about my tattoos.  Here is a snapshot of my week, Legit (this is honestly from when I stepped away for like 2 hours).  If I acknowledged you this week, then you are wow.

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And yes, again, everyone has names in my phone. If you are in there as like “Kevin” I don’t like you, just understand it. Every group has names, some of them are like “DON”T ANSWER THESE ASSHOLES” cuz, ya know.

So, my gentle reminders that things were still pretty a-ok.

Reminder #1

Remember, when I was making pasta last weekend for everyone, and after a few too many bottles glasses of wine, I thought this was funny.  FUNNY RIGHT?!!?!

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Reminder #2

There are only certain people who can call you slore, but when they do, you own that shit.

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Reminder #3

My phone broke and I have no idea how. It isn’t because I dropped it in water then threw it at a wall when I lost a client at work. I am not positive.

However, when it broke, it would randomly text, message, email, FB respond, etc etc people.  And that was not annoying or embarrassing at all. See.

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and then the fix, that was not actually a fix…… annoying

 

As a side note, if anyone knows how to work an iphone, more than my “I can turn it on most of the time.” I will pay a hefty fee for you to make this new one work.

Reminders #4-784346

Listen, we like tacos. It is FACT.  But “taco night” isn’t about tacos. It is about being together, and being friends, and being outside, and having moments as your “framily” because that is the shit that rules.  And after a week like this one, when you have missed SO much, you just need taco night. So, there were about a million messages about taco night.  A small sampling of the best.

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Stay tuned for what I am sure will be an eventful taco night.  To call the 01945 FD or not? Next week, the minis and I pop down south for what I am sure will be a complete and total shit show and a miracle if we all make it back legit flawlessly executed vacay.  To blog or not to blog. Dumb question, have you seen the three of us together?????!!!!!