Snow Much Fun!

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I hate myself.  I literally googled this “Fun snow day activities.”  I did that. I normally never would, because, let’s face it, I am not a good parent, I am the most unfun person in the world, but heading into our third storm in 10 days, desperate times folks. Did I say I hate myself? I mean, I hate other people. These were the top hits.

1.       “Create a furniture train, make tickets, take off to anywhere you want to go… Chooo Choooo.” I am sorry, the fuck? How much fucking furniture do you people have? I can’t even make a god damn caboose.  I mean, not that I had any intention of doing that, but I like to use the excuse “Darn, seems so fun, but I just don’t have enough furniture.” Also, can you imagine if I was like “Hey ah, Bigs, here is your train ticket, to ahh, the, ahh, living room.” He’d leave.  He would literally be like “Yea so peace, I have tried to deal with your crazy, I out.”

2.       Bring the snow inside. No. Ok, no. I don’t even like when people come in my house with wet shoes, let alone with a shovel of snow.  And what exactly am I doing with it once it doesn’t comes inside? I’m sure as shit not making an instantly meltable Frosty.  The deeper suggestion – MAKE A SNOW CASTLE??? WHO. ARE. THESE. MONSTERS. MOTHERS. Because I never want to meet them.  They are the moms that don’t drink at soccer games because it is “illegal.” Dummies, it isn’t illegal, it is just frowned upon, we all know that. Can you imagine me back at work, when someone asks what I did on the snow day and I am like “Made a snow castle. Inside. Inside my living room.” They would be like “You know, Nara, you have had a great run, but ya crazy, see ya.”

3.       This one was great.  “Invite the neighborhood kids over and start a band!” I love that the asshole who wrote that one ended with an exclimination point!!!  I also do that when I am trying to act fun!!!  Listen, Bigs lost his saxophone. I’m still paying for it, and absolutely refuse to help find it.  It could be “missing” in the trunk of my car, not looking. You think I am having the neighborhood kids over to start a band. No. Firm no.  Also, I love that whoever wrote this one assumes that ALL of the neighborhood kids are talented musicians?  And that they are like “What song do y’all want to play, hot cross buns, or baby got back? And a 1 and a 2 and a 1, 2, 3, SING!” She clearly has never been to a third grade recorder concert! (see what I did there!)

4.       Computer time.  It says “There are plenty of educational sites, no need to worry!”  Listen, you want your ipad and you will leave me alone, cool.”  That is literally the amount of screen time they get. “Cool.” That amount.

5.       Sock toss.  “My kids loved this when they were younger, they would toss socks gently into a basket or bag.” Oh no doubt. Because Bigs is playing full court mini hoop inside the living room (sorry, train furniture room).  I am sure that an invigorating game of sock toss will keep him entertained.

6.       Skype grandma and grandpa! Is skype still a thing? I thought it was now like a….. whatsitcalled, like a sex video site. Like for sexy time. Is grandma on there? Am I the only one who thinks that is what Skype is???

7.       Make a masking tape city.  OK, two things here.  First, I know I am not creative.  Totally on board. Second, whoever wrote this clearly HATES their house. It goes on to say “Tape outlines of cities on the floor.” Who you think I am? An architect? I’m not designing a tape city. Settle down Creative Carol.

8.       Now I am just cracking up, but it might also be the eleven two mimosas, not sure. “Moon sand! Baby oil + flour, hours of fun!”  It then has a hyperlink and says “you can see pictures here” but I am 99% sure that leads to a porn site and this is a wholesome family snow day. Not a skype day with grandma. Get your head out of the gutter. Gutter? Toilet? Whatisit? Get ya head outtathere.

9.       Treasure Hunt. “Hide something in the house and give the kids clues to find it.” Ok, every DAY with my cherubs is a god damn treasure hunt. I have zero need to hide anything. Ever.

At any rate, we are now three storms in 10 days with another one anticipated. The little one is constipated, so he wanted to take a tub. Apparently I made it to hot and he just yelled “MOM. THIS MAKES ME NEED SUNTAN LOTION FOR MY NUTS!”  Snow day fun right there.

 

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FYI, I don’t give a fu*k about history….

My lil hometown is considering a new school (it appears as though 110 years of 200 students wearing on it may have taken its toll)….. Something so many towns would rejoice over (I mean, legit, how lucky are we? But this is 01945 and I swear we need things to bitch about, and this is the big winner!)…. There is so much opposition to it, and TBH I have no idea why.  However, as I like to say, I am also not very smart, so there is that to take into consideration as well. It seems as though the town is divided into two pretty basic groups.

Group #1.  People who don’t want a new school because it lacks “history” Dude. Again, I am not smart, but I feel like we aren’t exactly driving covered wagons these days, but I am such a space cadet, maybe we are….. (sidebar, can you even IMAGINE me driving a covered wagon?).  And, aren’t you supposed to remember history, not live it? Idunno.

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Me and Pee Wee, just driving the ole covered wagon to school.

Group #2. People who don’t want their children to ingest lead paint and would prefer that they have heat in the winter  People who want to look at all of the options

I dunno.  I spent 10 years in Arizona, where the actual education currently ranks a solid 48 out of the 50 states (you want low, not high).  And, interestingly enough, MA ranks #1.  #holla. So I lived in real time, through some shit education, (in an economy where they are NOT lucky enough to build new schools).  Oh, oh, funny, I do know what I am talking about here, because when I was in Arizona, I worked, in, you guessed it, education…..  So I can really see the benefits of a new school a fresh coat of paint, not falling down and breaking your hip, more than 8 parking spots for 200 people and a school than can accommodate, I dunno, a fucking god damn fire truck in the event there is a fire clean, functional learning spaces as well as adequate space for the little ones to stretch their legs.

I was asked to look into being a candidate for the feasibility study for a new school, because I likely offer a different vantage point (and, wine). I have two young sons (aka my mini hot messes) but they go to two different school districts.  Why? You ask?  Well, because as group #1 would say, Bigs is not ADA so he doesn’t need to be shuffled to a “safe” school. Makes sense when you say it that way… I mean, he is 8 now and all, and legit doesn’t need safety at all. He will be fine.  BUT THE OTHER ONE…. Pee Wee, well, because he is ADA, he gets bused off (ever met an ADA kiddo, ever tried explaining complex things to them? Like “Oh, mommy can’t bring you to school, now you have a driver, a bus, you need to get your back pack, I know you are scared, but um, I bet things will be ok”) but, I mean, that’s cool, because there is “history” in the 110 year old school, so screw him and all of his little ADA buddies too!

I don’t negate that, 110 years is a long time.  If those walls could talk (well, walls don’t talk, and TBH, they would prob be like “Rip me down and send me to my grave.”)….. So much so, that I decided to ask Dr. G what he thought about schools 110 years ago.  If  you can believe this, a few pictures and even a lillle reading came up…. Some snippets:

Teachers were segregated by gender (remarkable, segregation ended in 1964, but it is being insinuated that we bring it back and segregate ADA students….. I LOVE forward thinkers! That’s right group #1, looking two steps ahead and 52 years in the rear!).

Often times, children rode ponies to school! We bitch about the parking at Gerry, can you even imagine if there were 200 ponies?!??!

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Pony Parking.

In the early 1900’s, racial segregation was still prominent, so much so, that if a black child lived and worked on a farm, the owner of the farm could pull him out of school at any time to work alongside his parents.   How’s that for “preserving history?”

In MA, the classrooms were heated with coal. I say we bring it back! The teachers certainty don’t have enough to do, they should tend to a fire as well! That will stop everyone from bitching about the boiler and we don’t give a shit about pollution because, duh, HISTORY!

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I refuse to commit that this ISN’T the Gerry heating system, but at any rate, no need to update it, seems fine!

 

Often times, the schools were one-room schoolhouses. I mean, the Gerry is ½ way there considering the gym, art and music room are all the same! I mean, way to optimize time and space like “KIDS, get your paint brushes and run, run, run!!!!!!! Now whistle! Where are your recorders?”

I’ll wrap this up with one more nugget of info for you folks who still support segregation and discrimination history.  And this one is from the heart.  MY SON DOES NOT DESERVE LESS THAN ANY OTHER CHILD.  People who suggest it should be ashamed. Absolutely ashamed.  I walk through every day with the HOPE that he will be ok.  That he will have a future. How DARE anyone suggest he shouldn’t? 01945 schools are, in often cases, “grandfathered” in to ADA law….. That does not, however, give anyone the right to suggest that ADA students deserve a lesser or “different” education. BTW, I actually don’t give a fuck about history.

In 1975 Congress passed Public Law 94-142, Education for All Handicapped Children Act. One of the most comprehensive laws in the history of education in the United States, this Act brought together several pieces of state and federal legislation, making free, appropriate education available to all eligible students with a disability. The law was amended in 1986 to extend its coverage to include younger children. In 1990 the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) extended its definitions and changed the label “handicap” to “disabilities”. Further procedural changes were amended to IDEA in 1997.

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I couldn’t agree more, let’s ship this kid out and preserve history!