So, after a really long hiatus of attempting to date, followed by disastrous dating endeavor, I had a weekend rally of too much rose, tacos, and burnt hamburgers girlfriends telling me to get out there. Look, the former Mr. Nara and I have been divorced so long, that he is getting re-married. I’m still too nervous to meet at an Applebee’s for frozen potato skins. But these chicks reminded me that I could do it!!! I could beat my totally awky social anxiety, stop ghosting dates, and find myself someone who wants a cougar. Whoa. Pump the brakes. No one told me to find someone who wants a cougar…. It is just that when you really try and get yourself out there, this happens.
Let the record state, that the TWENTY FIVE YEAR OLD says “Since I was a kid.” Because you know, now he isn’t a kid. He is a big kid. This was really like 11 minutes into operation “Get the fuck back out there, Nara.” But it had to get better, right? Nope.
I dunno, I mean, maybe I was being too selective? Maybe this is what happens? I need to either decide to be someones cougar, or date a felon? Let’s not act like I am some prize catch here. I’m just your normal day single mom, homeowner, gainfully employed, sort of chubby but pretty funny gal. So, I sent my squad some of the dating pool options.
I never, ever should have led with little hand. I mean, I should know better. But honestly, have you ever seen such a teenie petite hand????
However, you can see where things are going from here amirite?
This went on for far longer than you would ever imagine a few minutes until I showed them some of my other “options”
There was this guy. Who does not work out and is not proud of it. He doesn’t know yet, but he actually does not want to date me. Because it will be annoying for him to be all egg whites and push ups, while I am nachos and netflix. And still hotter than him. I made that last part up.
There was this guy, who 100% just murdered someone and has the gloves to prove it who likes dogs.
This guy, who likes to read and wear glasses.
And last but not least, this guy, who seems to be a perfect fit for me, but he is ignoring my 23 messages to connect, so he must not think we are a good fit, which seems to happen to me a lot.
So folks, here is my request. Take this profile and print it out business card style. Take it with you on your adventures and find me the next Mr. Nara. Peace out dating websites. I gave you 12 hours and you failed me!!!!